We North Americans are entering our twenty-first (give or take) Thanksgiving season of the Internet age and, as such, it no longer feels controversial to publicly state your dislike for turkey. Outside of tradition, there’s really no reason to feature turkey in a lavish, celebratory meal.
Why you might need a Thanksgiving main dish alternative
Turkey’s main challenge as a protein is its low fat-to-muscle ratio, which occurs partially by design and partially by nature. The market demands white meat, so commercially-farmed birds, especially the “self-basting,” saline-injected kind, are bred and raised to have enormous breasts and not much else. Naturally-raised, free-range turkeys are more flavorful, but they’re still large, active animals with relatively low subcutaneous fat levels, which is why they’re so tricky to roast. It’s not impossible, but pulling off a perfectly roasted turkey is annoying enough that I don’t even bother anymore, and my Thanksgiving menus have been all the better for it. If you’re questioning the necessity of turkey on your Thanksgiving table and are curious about other options, I’ve assembled a short list of meaty inspiration.
Duck or goose
Judging on taste alone, turkey is truly the stinker of the poultry family; even the humble chicken is tastier. While I completely support serving roasted, fried, or smoked chicken as part of a Thanksgiving spread, I admit it doesn’t feel special the way a turkey does. If you’re game to try something new this year, but prefer to keep it in the poultry family, try duck or goose. They’re fattier and more flavorful than turkey, but still evoke that special-occasion feel. Plus, they’re hard enough to come by that you’ll still get the weird satisfaction turkey freaks get from obsessively researching and sourcing their Thanksgiving birds—you know, if you’re into that.
A whole, slow-roasted pork shoulder
Once you free yourself from poultry’s grabby little talons, the Thanksgiving menu possibilities get truly exciting. David Chang is a fellow turkey denier, and his recipe for Bo Ssäm made me question everything I’d previously accepted as true about Thanksgiving menus. To make this stunner of a centerpiece dish, you cure an entire bone-in Boston butt with roughly equal parts sugar and kosher salt for about 24 hours, then slowly roast it until it literally collapses. (I usually stab it all over and stuff half a head’s worth of garlic cloves in, too.) Crisping the whole deal in a screaming-hot oven just before serving yields a satisfying, sweet-salty-crunchy-fatty crust good enough to fight over. When will turkey ever be able to compete with that?
Prime rib
Like all the best celebration dishes, a well-executed prime rib will make you cry real tears about how fucking delicious it is. Sure, it’s mostly associated with Christmas dinners, but if you didn’t rage-close this tab after the Bo Ssäm suggestion, you’re clearly not opposed to breaking some rules.
There are a few different schools when it comes to cooking enormous hunks of very expensive meat—sear first, then slow-roast; slow-roast, then sear; cook the whole thing sous-vide, then torch—but whatever your preference, a carefully prepared prime rib will be the uncontested star of the meal. Plus, it gives you an excuse to make a vat of horseradish sauce, which tastes great on every Thanksgiving dish except turkey (and maybe pie).
Beef wellington
Fancy lads love a beef Wellington, and for once in their lives, they’re not wrong. This classic dish is a showstopper of the highest order. It combines the Turducken’s meat-orgy soul with pie, that most beautiful and festive of desserts, making it a worthy contender for the perfect Thanksgiving main. Thanks to its extremely posh components, a Wellington isn’t the most cost-effective Thanksgiving main to scale up for a crowd—but if you’re having a smallish gathering and feel like showing off, it’ll do quite nicely. Plus, as we now know, beef Wellington will absolutely sous-vide.
Pretty much any kind of lamb
I’m biased because it’s the one meat keeping me from outright vegetarianism, but a big hunk of roasted lamb is the ultimate luxurious celebration dish. Whether it’s osso bucco, lamb shanks avgolemono from the old-school Greek place in my neighborhood, or the sous-vide-then-grilled, rosemary-and-garlic leg of lamb I recently made for my mom’s birthday, I’m always thrilled to see lamb on a table. If you and yours are similarly dedicated to the best meat, pretty much any cut makes a stunning Thanksgiving main—and, oh, the gravy you’ll make.
BBQ anything
I’m going to say something now that might upset you; please bear with me if you can. The meal most thematically similar to Thanksgiving dinner is a barbecue.
Think about it: a specifically food-centric celebration (as opposed to Christmas, Passover, or even New Year’s Eve), with multiple sauces and dozens of sides, and an emphasis on obsessively monitoring the main dish for literally hours on end? C’mon, you gotta admit that sounds a lot like Thanksgiving. But even if you don’t agree, you might begrudgingly acknowledge that smoking whole Thanksgiving turkeys is increasingly popular for a reason, which is that they taste pretty damn good.
Extending this logic past the tragically mediocre turkey gives you dozens of options: smoked brisket, pulled pork (on homemade Parker House rolls with cranberry sauce, perhaps?), whole smoked chickens, or, my personal favorite, ribs of any kind. I have access to neither an outdoor grilling area nor a smoker, but am making sous-vide pork ribs—with two sauces, as the holiday of excess demands—for my Thanksgiving main this year, and I cannot wait to eat a pile of ‘em with stuffing and mashed potatoes. If that’s wrong, I refuse to be right.